The Outsiders - Chapter 5

Authors note:

I know I said there would be no major changes in the storyline when I decided to revive this blog and start posting a re-written version of "The Outsiders". Well, I'm more than a decade older than I was when first wrote the story - and maybe a little wiser? As I'm getting back into writing I realize there are things I want to change to make it feel more realistic, many things in the original feels too easygoing and happy-go-lucky. So, from this chapter on there will be more major changes than I've done to the previous chapters. I hope you enjoy - and agree the story is improving.

Jonas

My mind is racing. Travel hasn’t been on my agenda lately; I haven’t been on a plane for years. Not since before my accident. A long-haul trip all the way to South Africa is daunting, to say the least. One thing is the flights to get there and back. That’s the least of my worries. 

“Sigrid, I really appreciate the invitation. And I would love to come with you, but it’s not a matter of just jumping on a plane for me these days. I’ll have to do some research before deciding.”

“Right…” she replies. Clearly disappointed I didn’t accept immediately. 

I check the time. It’s just before five in the afternoon. “Have you had dinner yet?

“No, why?” she asks, clearly confused about the change of subject.

“Want to come over here? I’ll order some food, and we can talk about this in person. If you want to spend the night you can catch a ride to school with me tomorrow, if I remember correctly we both have lectures at 9:30 in the morning.”

“Okay, sounds good to me. Let me get my stuff together and I’ll be there in about an hour, ok?”

“Excellent. Any preferences food-wise?” I ask.

“It’s up to you, really. Maybe pizza or some Chinese food? Whatever you feel like.”

“Pizza it is,” I reply. I’ve been tempted to order one all day. “Is Peppe’s ok?” 

Sigrid agrees and we end the call.

Sigrid

When Jonas opens his front door, I’m surprised to see him tall. He hasn’t used his braces and crutches much lately, since doctor ordered him to cut back he has almost exclusively been using his wheelchair.  

Even if I prefer him in his chair I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss seeing him crutching around sometimes. Even if he’s dressed in a pair of old sweatpants and a faded t-shirt, he looks incredibly sexy to me. 

After I’ve dumped my duffle bag and backpack on the floor by the front door, I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him. He shifts his left crutch so he’s holding both crutches with his right hand and wraps his left arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.

“This is a nice surprise,” I say as we pull apart and Jonas is again leaning on both of his crutches.

“What?” he asks, clearly not getting what I’m talking about.

“You’re tall,” I say with a smile.

“Oh… Yeah, I know you want to see my braces and being tall is good for my circulation and stuff, so I figured could kill two birds with one stone…” His voice trails off and my heart skips a beat. I’ve been dreaming about seeing his braces since I first saw him crutching into the auditorium. 

A few moments later a delivery guy from Peppe’s Pizza arrive with our dinner. Jonas has ordered and paid in their app, so all I have to do is to take the pizza box and carry it into the living area. I set it down on the dining table and watch as Jonas gets settled on one of the chairs.

“Would you mind grabbing drinks for us? A beer for me, please. And bring the napkins.” he asks me. I’ve gotten familiar with Jonas’ kitchen over the past few weeks, so it doesn’t take me long to get two beers out of the fridge and to grab the basket with napkins from the counter. 

We finish our dinner mostly in silence and when we’re done, I clear the table and place the leftover pizza in a zip lock bag and place it in the fridge. Then I go back to the table and sit down next to Jonas.

Jonas

“What’s keeping you from coming with me?” Sigrid asks after we’ve sat in a somewhat awkward silence for a few moments.

“I didn’t say no,” I point out. “I said I need to do some research before I decide.”

“The airlines offer assistance, so that should be fine,” she pushes eagerly. “And my parents’ house is one level, except for the master suite and Dad’s study, that’s upstairs. The floors are mostly hardwood, and we don’t have that much furniture. And…”

“Sigrid,” I cut her off. “I haven’t travelled at all since I was hurt. Accessibility issues where we’ll be staying or getting on and off the plane are just a few of my worries. I thought you were aware that my disability isn’t just my inability to walk? That’s just part of it. I have routines I need to follow to function. I empty my bladder and bowels manually on a fixed schedule. I need to do range of motion exercises regularly. I worry about getting pressure sores.  I need to stand regularly, either using my standing frame or crutches and braces, to maintain circulation, improve bone density…”

Sigrid doesn’t say anything, she places a hand over mine and squeeze it gently.

“There are many things you don’t see that also affect my day-to-day life. It makes travel more complicated than for an able-bodied person. I’m a little surprised you didn’t realize it,” I tell her. 

Sigrid

I feel a blush creeping up on my face. I feel so stupid. I hadn’t thought about any of the things Jonas just told me. I just figured it would be a matter of booking assistance to get on and off the planes and have my parents install ramps at the steps by the front and back doors and we’d be good to go.

“Jonas, I’m an idiot,” I say, ducking my head.

“No, you’re not,” he chuckles, sandwiching my hand between his big, strong hands. “You just don’t know as much about crip mechanics as you thought you did. And that’s fine. I’m here to educate you and if I go on this trip with you, you’ll need to be prepared for a steep learning curve. You’ll most likely get to experience the good, the bad and the ugly of life with a disabled person. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “But I want to be ready for it. I really want you to come with me. To see my country, meet my parents and friends, hopefully have the best Christmas you’ve had in years…”

Jonas wraps a strong arm around my shoulders and takes a deep breath before he replies.

“And I appreciate the invite, I really do. A lot. Three and a half years ago I would’ve said yes on the spot. But things are different now, there’s no way around it. As much as I’d like to be as impulsive as the old Jonas was able to be, that’s just not an option. And if I stay here, I’ll miss you a lot, but I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me, you really don’t.”

Before I can say anything, Jonas carries on; “As I said; I need to do some research, and I know just the person to call. So, first thing tomorrow morning, I’ll give him a call and book an appointment with him,” Jonas says. 

“And who’s the person you’re calling? Your doctor?” I ask, hoping I’m not prying too much.

“Nope, his name is Anders and he’s a Peer Support Specialist at the hospital I did my rehabilitation at. He’s five years older than me and has been paraplegic since he was 17. So, he’s a more experienced cripple than me, and he’s an avid traveler.  Hopefully he has time to see us in the next few days.”

“Us?” I ask.

“Yes, us. You’re coming too,” Jonas says firmly. “We’ll be traveling together, right? Which means you’ll have to understand what you’re getting into if I go with you.”

I nod in agreement, but I’ve got to admit I feel a little overwhelmed.

“Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to relax on the couch. Which means getting out of my braces and back into my chair,” Jonas says as reaches for his crutches. I watch as he pulls himself to his feet. The couch is too low and soft for him to get up from when he's tall.

To my surprise he doesn’t move forward like he usually does; by planting his crutches ahead of them and swinging himself forward so his feet lands by his crutch tips. Instead, he plants his right crutch in front of him and slowly pulls his left leg forward, he then repeats the step with his left crutch and right leg. And so on. It’s clear that it takes a lot of effort and it’s slow. But I know it’s a huge sign of trust that he’s showing me this and I keep quiet. After a few more steps he stops and turns to look at me with a shy look on his face; “Are you coming? You want to see my braces, right?”

I get to my feet and walk up to him, and we walk side by side down the hall to his bedroom. When we get there, he makes his way to his side of the bed, and he lowers himself down to sit on the side of it with his legs straight out in front of him. He lay his crutches on the floor next to the bed and uses his arms scoot backwards onto the bed, so he’s leaning against the upholstered headboard and rigid legs onto the bed.

“I’m all yours,” he says, sounding a little unsure of himself.

“You want me to help you undress?”

“You’ve been dreaming about that, right? Figured I’d make at least one of your dreams come true.”

Suddenly I’m unsure of what to do. Damn, Sigrid! You’ve been dreaming about doing something like this for years and when it’s happening you freeze up. Snap out of it!

“Take my shoes off first,” Jonas instructs, sensing my hesitance.

I untie the laces of his sneakers and slide them off his feet. They reveal the foot molds of his KAFOs. Both his feet are resting on a rigid sole and a Velcro strap across each ankle is keeping them in place. They ‘re dark grey and appear to be made of carbon fibre.

“Next step is to get me out of my pants. I’ll hold myself up and you can slide them down over my butt. When that’s done it should be easy to get them down my legs.”

Jonas then uses his strong arms to lift his butt from the bed, and I grab the waistband of his sweatpants and pull them down past his butt, to his upper thighs. He lowers himself to the bed with a relieved sigh.  Getting the sweatpants off the rest of the way is straightforward and soon I get a full view of his braces. Jonas looks away, like he’s embarrassed.

The braces are made of dark grey carbon fibre with black Velcro straps and metal bars and extend from Jonas’ ankles to his upper thighs. The soles under his feet are part of a molded piece of carbon fibre that stops a couple of inches below his knee and in addition to the strap across his ankle there are two more across his calves, one about halfway up and one about two inches below his knee.  The thigh cuffs are also made of carbon fibre and two wide Velcro closings on each are keeping them in place. He’s wearing black KAFO socks that stop at his crotch under his braces.

Jonas looks at me and something about the look in his eyes change something in me. I’m not turned on anymore; I’m deeply moved that trusts me to enough for me to see and do this. I realize he’s really putting himself out there tonight, showing his vulnerabilities. Not just by showing me the braces, but with everything he told me earlier tonight. Putting oneself out there like that takes a lot of courage.

Jonas doesn’t seem to notice the change in my mood; he instructs me on to take off his braces step by step and leans back against the headboard again a I get to work on releasing the Velcro closings and it doesn’t take me long to free his right leg, and I lift it gently out of the brace.

“Where do you want me to put this?” I ask, gesturing at the brace that’s still resting on the bed next to his leg.

“Just slide it under the bed,” he says with a small smile, he seems to be relaxing a bit. I do as I’m told and repeat the process on his left leg. Finally, I roll off the KAFO socks and put them on the floor next to the bed. It’s the first time I see his naked legs; they barely have any muscle tone and his knees and feet look disproportionally large.

“Will you help me get my sweatpants back on?” he asks, sounding a little hesitant. I nod.

I grab the sweatpants from the end of the bed and make sure I put them on the right way before I tentatively grab Jonas’ left ankle and gently slide the cuff of the sweatpants over his foot and repeat the process with his right foot. Then I carefully slide the pants up to just above his knee. Wordlessly Jonas lifts himself up again and I manage to slide the pants up over his butt, which is covered by black boxer briefs, and lets himself back down again. “Thanks,” he says as he wraps a large, strong hand behind my neck and pull me down for a kiss. “You’re amazing.”

“Thanks for trusting me,” I say sincerely when we pull apart. He rewards me with a small smile. 

Jonas

The past couple of hours has been a giant leap of faith. After Sigrid’s invitation join her for her Christmas trip to see her parents, I’ve decided to let her in on everything my disability entails. If I’m going to travel halfway around the world with her, I need to know she can handle it. The good. The bad. And the inevitable ugly.

Although I know she’s had an interest in disabled guys for years, I’ve had a growing suspicion that her knowledge is not as extensive as she thinks over the past few weeks. She confirmed my suspicions when we talked earlier tonight. I realize it’s my fault too. As much as I’ve wanted to relax around her and not hide things I do it by default. I want to be the strong one that doesn’t show weakness. It’s a bad habit of mine. 

We spend the evening relaxing on the couch, watching random videos on YouTube. Sigrid finds some with places she wants to show me in South Africa and as I watch them my travel fever is rising. 

…

After I’ve parked in a disabled spot in the parking garage at school the next morning, I pull up Anders’ number on my phone and hit the call button. He picks up after just a couple of rings. 

“Jonas, how’s it going?” he greets me, a smile evident in his voice. "It's been a while since I heard from you."

“I’m doing pretty well, Anders” I reply. “Before we go further; you’re on speaker and my girlfriend is in the car with me. Say hi to Sigrid.”

“I’m happy for you, Jonas. And hi Sigrid.”

“Hi Anders,” Sigrid says tentatively. 

“Anyway,” I cut in, wanting to cut to the chase. “Sigrid’s parents live in South Africa, and they’ve invited me to spend Christmas break down there. I haven’t traveled since I got hurt, so I’m not sure about it. I was hoping you’d have time to see us soon, as I need to decide if I’m going with her ASAP.”

“I'll find time for you, just give me a sec to check my appointments,” Anders say. After a short silence he replies; “Does tomorrow at noon work for you?”

“Yes, that's perfect.”

“You know where my office is. Looking forward to seeing you again, it’s been a while.”

“Looking forward to seeing you too,” I reply. “Thanks.”

 

To be continued...