"Every Breath I Take" chapter 9

Cathy just sent me chapter 9. Hope y'all enjoy it and have a great week! :-) Hope to have more for you soon.

Note: Josh's condition is fictional and a figment of Cathy's imagination. I take no responsibility for the medical accuracy.

Chapter 9

Monday morning Josh had a follow up appointment with his pulmonologist. He’d been using a ventilator almost full time for six months and he had a few issues he wanted to discuss with Dr. Newman.

“So, how are you feeling, Josh?” Dr. Newman asked. “You look like you’re in good shape.”

“I’m good, I still feel better than I have in a long time and being on a ventilator almost 24/7 is working out well.  I wish my portable ventilator had a humidifier though. The HME really doesn’t cut it compared to a proper humidifier. I’ve struggled with mucus buildup lately, I’ve had to suction more frequently than before.”

“I see,” the doctor said thoughtfully. “How many hours a day do you spend on each ventilator? Is it equally distributed, about 50/50?”

“I’m usually on the bedside one about eight hours, from I go to bed ‘til I get up in the morning. I use the portable one more, 12 to 14 hours a day, since I use it around the house and when I’m out and about.”

“I think you need a third ventilator; a smaller, mobile version of the one in your bedroom to use around the house. I think this one would be a good choice,” Dr. Newman said. He had a website open on his laptop and he showed it to Josh. “It’s a lot smaller and sleeker than the bedside one, can operate on batteries and it’s on wheels, but has a humidifier and a holder for an oxygen bottle too. You can easily move it around the house with you.”

“That sounds good,” Josh said. “But I guess it’s expensive? Will my insurance cover it?”

“I’m confident your insurance will cover it. You have good medical reasons for needing it. Both the humidifier issue and I also think you should be on some oxygen during the day, since your oxygen uptake is rather poor.”

“Let’s get the ball rolling then,” Josh said.

“And while we’re at it I think we should apply for a new portable vent for you too. This one,” Dr. Newman said as he pointed to his computer screen again. “Is smaller and lighter than the one you have now and the carrying case can be used as a backpack or a wheelie bag and it will attach to your wheelchair without problems.”

“Looks good to me. You don’t think it’s asking too much? That it increases the chances for a refusal to ask for two vents at once?”

“I don’t think so. Your needs have changed and the portable ventilator you’re using at the moment is old.”

They chatted for a few more minutes and Dr. Newman assured Josh he’d file the paperwork with his insurance company as soon as possible. Hopefully it would be a straightforward process that didn’t take too long.

# - # - #

Josh pulled into Janine’s driveway a few minutes before six in the afternoon on Wednesday.  Before he managed to unbuckle his seatbelt she stepped out of the front door; she’d obviously been waiting for him. The sight of her brought a smile to his face. She was wearing a loose fitting grey shirtdress with a narrow black belt in the waist over a pair of black leggings and black ankle boots.  She had a black leather jacket draped over her arm and she was carrying a small clutch bag.  She smiled widely as she slipped into the passenger seat.

“Hi,” Josh greeted her. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you,” she replied with a smile, then she leaned over and kissed him hello.  “You don't look too shabby yourself. How has your week been so far?” she asked as she buckled her seatbelt and surveyed his appearance; he was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a charcoal V-necked sweater with a white button down shirt under it. The shirt had the top buttons undone and the tracheostomy tube in his throat and the ventilator tubes coming from it was clearly visible. Janine barely noticed.

“It’s been pretty good so far. Mostly routine, apart from a doctor’s appointment on Monday. How ‘bout you?”

“Good, but busy. Glad I’ve got the coming weekend off.”

“You work every other weekend?”

“There’s not really a pattern. I usually work either Saturday or Sunday, a full weekend off is a rarity. It’s a downside of working in a restaurant that’s open seven days a week.”

“I make my own schedule, so I can’t really relate to that. It’s a perk of working from home.”

“I’d like to be able to make my own schedule, but I couldn’t work from home. I love having co-workers and interacting with customers.”

“Working from home does get lonely, but with my health issues it’s a good thing. Not every day is a good day and when I have a really bad I don’t have to work. The upsides outweigh the downside for me.”

“That’s good,” Janine agreed.

When they arrived at the restaurant Josh decided to leave his ventilator in the car; it was a good day and he was breathing pretty well unaided.

“It’s still a little weird to me that you can just leave your ventilator in the car,” Janine said as he detached the ventilator tubes from his tracheostomy tube, capped his trach and turned off the ventilator.

“Today is a good day. Yesterday I would’ve needed the vent. I’ll need it again after dinner, but I like to be able to taste and smell my food.”

“You can’t taste or smell at all when you’re on the ventilator?”

“A little, but it’s not the same as when I’m not on it.”

“That sucks.”

“Sure does, but it is what it is. If I dwell on stuff like that I’d go crazy I try to focus on the positive things. Like being here. With you. About to have what I hope will be a tasty dinner.”

“I like that way of thinking,” Janine said as they stepped out of Josh’s car. When they met at the front of the car she pulled him in for a kiss.

# - # - #

A couple of hours later they walked into the lobby of the local movie theatre hand in hand, Josh with his ventilator in tow.  They first headed to the ticket counter where they bought tickets and then to the concession stand to get popcorn and soda.  Josh noticed people were staring at them, or more accurately him, but he refused to let it bother him. He was having a great time and the more time he spent with Janine the more he liked her.

“I hope I don’t get complaints because of the sound my ventilator makes,” Josh mentioned as they made their way to the auditorium.

“You’ve had that happen before?”

“No, this is actually the first time I’m at a movie theatre since I started using it most of the time.”

“I doubt people will notice. We’re going to see an action movie that’s bound to have a loud soundtrack – I’m sure the humming sound the vent makes will be drowned out by that.”

“I hope you’re right,” Josh said, sounding unconvinced.

“Relax, Josh. We’re going to have a good time.”

If he hadn’t been carrying a large tub of popcorn in one hand and pulling his ventilator with the other Josh would’ve wrapped an arm around Janine, who was carrying their drinks. Instead he looked at her and smiled warmly.

# - # - #

“Do you have any plans this weekend?” Janine asked Josh as he drove her home after the movie was over. To his relief no one had commented on the sound of his vent and both of them had enjoyed the movie.

“No, nothing besides some chores around the house,” he said. “Why?”

“There’s a Farmer’s market and a carnival in Sterling Park Saturday and Sunday. Wanna go with me? I think the market sounds great and the carnival could be fun.”

“I’d like that. Maybe we could have lunch at my place on Saturday and head there? It’s not far from my house.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Janine replied.

“Um, just a heads up…,” Josh started, clearly a bit unsure of himself.

“What?”

“I’ll have to use my wheelchair and the only other time I introduced that to a girl it was too much… Are you sure you’re okay with it?”

“It’s fine. I promise,” Janine gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and she saw some of the tenseness vanish from his jaw muscles.

They spent the rest of the drive back to Janine’s house in a comfortable silence and after a kiss they bid each other goodnight.

# - # - #

Thursday ended up as a slow day workwise for Josh, which was a bit of a relief since the date with Janine the previous evening had left him tired.  They’d had a great time and Josh was hopeful about the future of their relationship; so far Janine didn’t seem to be flustered or overwhelmed by his health issues. It probably helped that she had her own issues to deal with.

At two in the afternoon he had cleared everything in his inbox and he decided to go lay down for a while; he had plans to go to Andrew’s house to watch a football game in the evening and if he was to stand a chance to feel up for that he needed some rest.

With his portable ventilator in tow he headed for the bedroom. Once he arrived there he quickly changed into a pair of flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt and after a quick detour to the bathroom he climbed into bed. He made quick work of turning on the bedside ventilator and attaching it to his tracheostomy tube and inflating the trach’s cuff.  After that was done he set his alarm for 5:30 and then he lay down and rested his head on his soft down pillow. He drifted off to sleep within minutes.

# - # - #

“Get your ass in here before you get soaked,” Andrew said as he swung the front door open just as Josh was about to push the doorbell. It had been raining all afternoon and during the drive over to Andrew’s house it had started to pour down. Josh quickly walked past him and as he shrugged out of his jacket Andrew closed and locked the front door behind him.

“Damn, it’s pouring down,” Josh commented as he made a quick adjustment to the Trach Aide and grabbed the handle of the portable ventilator. “How was your trip?” Andrew had been out of town on business for the past few days.

“It was good. What have you been up to this week? Just work?” Andrew asked as he headed to the kitchen. Josh followed him.

“I’ve been on two dates, first one on Sunday and again last night.”

“With who?” Andrew inquired eagerly. “I’m guessing not Maggie?”

“Definitely not Maggie. I don’t think I’ll hear from her again.”

“So who’s the lucky lady? Anyone I know?” Andrew handed Josh a beer bottle and leaned against the kitchen counter.

“Would you mind if we sit down before I tell you? Yesterday drained me, so even though I’ve spent most of the afternoon in bed I’m a bit tired.”

“Sure,” Andrew said with a shrug and they made their way to the living room and settled down on the couch. Josh put his beer bottle down on the coffee table and started to fiddle with the zipper pull on his hoodie. When he remained silent Andrew gently pried. “So, do you plan on telling me who you’re dating before the game starts?”

“Sorry. Spaced out there for a second. I told you I accepted to be the tech-support contact for Chef Luigi’s on Hudson, right?”

“Yeah, you mentioned it a few weeks back,” Andrew said, clearly not getting what that had to do with Josh’s date.

“Last Friday the manager, Janine, called me around three in the afternoon. There was an issue with their server again and I went over there to try to sort it out.  When I was done Janine asked me if I wanted to have dinner with her. We really hit it off and as I was getting my stuff in her office after dinner I asked her if she wanted to go out with me sometime and she said yes.”

“And you went out on Sunday?”

“Yeah, I invited her over to my place for dinner and it was great. Yesterday we had dinner and went to see a movie after. And we’re going to the market and carnival in the park on Saturday.”

“That’s great, Josh! So, you think this might work out as a long term thing?”

“I’m cautiously optimistic. She has a chronic health issue herself, so she knows about living with one and that helps. I’ll have to introduce her to my wheelchair on Saturday and I’m nervous about how she’ll react to that.”

“Have you told her about it?”

“Yeah and she says she’s fine with it. I guess I’ll find out if that’s the case on Saturday. I sure hope so, because she’s great.”

“I’m sure it will,” Andrew said confidently. The football game started and they spent the rest of the evening shouting at the TV screen.

# - # - #

Josh led the way into his garage, where his wheelchair was waiting and he was nervous about how Janine would react to the sight of it. He felt a bit like it was a do or die moment in their relationship as he flipped on the light in the garage.

“So, this is it,” he said nervously, pointing to the wheelchair. “My legs when I have to cover longer distances than walking to my mailbox.”

“Please stop being nervous about this, Josh. I’m eager to get down to the park, so could you please get rollin’?” Janine gave him a teasing pat on the butt, which caused him to laugh, then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a quick kiss.

“Thanks for being amazing,” he said as he let her go and went on with attaching the ventilator to the back of the wheelchair, which didn’t take long.  He had a self-conscious look on his face when he sat down and set his feet on the footrests. He turned the chair on and looked up at Janine who was looking at him with a smile on her face. “Ready?”

“More than. Let’s get going.”

A few minutes later they were making their way towards Sterling Park and to Josh’s relief Janine seemed to be totally unfazed by him being in the wheelchair, she was chatting away like nothing was out of the ordinary and he allowed himself to relax a little.

“So, why are you so self-conscious about using the wheelchair?” she suddenly asked.

“I don’t know. When I got it I was so thrilled. It felt like I’d gotten part of my life back. Before I got it I was mostly stuck inside my house, I could barely walk to the mailbox without feeling exhausted. That changed when I got the chair.”

“So it’s really a good thing, right?”

“To me it is, but I guess I worry it makes me look more disabled than I am. Wheelchair and ventilator means helpless cripple to most people,” Josh stated dejectedly.

“Well, I know you’re not a helpless cripple, so stop thinking like that, okay? Can we just have fun and enjoy the market and carnival and don’t worry about what other people think?”

“I like that idea.”

To be continued...