"Every Breath I Take" chapter 8

It's not the weekend yet, but Cathy just sent me a new chapter. If we're lucky she'll have chapter 9 ready over the weekend. A comment or three might encourage her... hint hint... ;-)

As always; I take no responsibility for the medical accuracy of this story.

Chapter 8

Josh slid his iPhone back into his jeans pocket, grabbed the spoon and started eating his cereal again. A few minutes later he’d rinsed the cereal bowl and spoon and put them in the dishwasher and with his ventilator in tow he headed to his office to get started on his workweek. 

Josh sat down by his desk and after he’d logged onto his computer he opened Outlook to check his email.  He was relieved that he only had a few new emails and only one caught his attention. It was from his boss and the subject line said ‘Chef Luigi’s tech support assignment’. Josh wondered what it was about; as far as he knew he’d fixed the problem and he’d even done a couple of extra adjustments to their system to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

Job well done, Josh! So well that the manager of the branch, Janine, has requested that you’ll be their regular tech support contact. I explained to her that you normally don’t do that kind of thing, that you’re a software engineer that works with developing new programs and not a tech support. She insisted that I ask you anyway.  So this is me asking; would you be willing to be their tech support contact? I understand if you’re not willing to, but I hope you’ll at least consider it. Think about it and get back to me by Wednesday.

-Robert

Josh’s initial thought was to decline, but he decided to think about it for a day or two. After all he had enjoyed the work, getting out of the house wasn’t a bad thing and Janine was pretty cool. And pretty. He typed a quick reply to his boss.

Thanks, Rob! Glad we have a satisfied client. I’ll think about it and get back to you by Wednesday.

-J

Two hours later Josh was deeply immersed in his work and he jumped slightly when his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a reply from Maggie. His heart sank as he read it.

Hi Josh,
Sorry I didn’t get back to you last week. Anyway, this isn’t easy to say and I’m not sure how to put it, so I’ll just say it. I’ve done some research and thinking and I’m sorry, but I don’t see our relationship moving forward. Your health issues overwhelm me. I really thought I could get past it, but the ventilator and the wheelchair and whatever else is involved is just too much for me. I’m really sorry.
All my best, Maggie

Josh read and reread the message several times and he felt a lump building in his throat and tears building in his eyes. Just as he’d feared she couldn’t deal with it all. He berated himself for bringing the wheelchair into the equation on their first date; maybe things would’ve been different if he hadn’t done that. He knew that going down the ‘what if’ road was useless, but the rejection stung. More than he thought it would.  Josh realized he wouldn’t get any work done at the moment and got to his feet and headed to the kitchen with his ventilator in tow. He needed coffee.

# - # - #

Although he’d been hesitant about it Josh had agreed to be the tech support contact for Janine at Chef Luigi’s and during the first month after he agreed to do so she’d called him a couple of times. Both times he’d been able to help her sort out the problem over the phone. 

About six weeks had passed since he’d accepted the assignment when his iPhone started ringing a Friday afternoon; Janine’s name and number appeared on the screen.

“Hi Janine,” he greeted her. “What can I do for you today?”

“Hi Josh. Sorry to bother you when you’re probably about to wrap up your workweek, but I think our server is acting up again.  We’ve had several orders that haven’t gone through to the kitchen the past hour. Do you think you could come over here and check it out?”

“That doesn’t sound good. I’ll be right over,” Josh said. “See you soon.”

“Thanks, Josh. See you soon.”

# - # - #

Two hours later Josh put his laptop back into his backpack as Janine came back into her office.

“All done?” she asked.

“Yep. I think we need to look into maybe upgrading your server; it looks like this one might be a bit under capacity for the workload here and that’s why it keeps crashing. I can check with the sales department and get you a quote of you’d like.”

“I’ll have to go through corporate, but if you can get me an offer I can present to them that’s great.”

“I’ll do that on Monday,” Josh said with a smile.

“Um, have you got any dinner plans?” Janine asked as he stood up and put his leather jacket back on.

“No. Why?”

“My shift is about to end and I figured I’d grab a bite to eat before I head home. Company would be nice. If you’re hungry of course.”

A growl from Josh’s stomach caused them both to laugh. “I am actually hungry and I’d be happy to join you,” he said. He liked Janine.

“Awesome. You can just leave your bag and jacket here while eat if you want to,” Janine offered.

Josh hesitated for a second, then he shrugged out of his jacket and hung it over the back of her desk chair. “Um…would it be okay if I left the ventilator in here too? It would be nice to actually taste my dinner since I’ve heard the food here is great.”

“Yeah…sure…I…I didn’t know you could manage without it,” Janine stuttered out, clearly flustered.

“I can manage without for an hour or two,” Josh said as he unzipped the bag with the ventilator and grabbed the pouch with supplies. With practiced ease, while Janine was watching, he detached the ventilator tube from his tracheostomy tube and capped his trach. Then he shut off the ventilator and removed the Trach Aide from his neck and left it in the bag with the ventilator and supplies. After he’d adjusted the collar of his plaid shirt he turned to Janine.

“I’m good to go,” he said with a smile.

She looked a little stunned, but composed herself and they headed into the restaurant.

# - # - #

“This is probably a very inappropriate, prying question and you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to…” Janine started after they’d ordered their dinners, clearly unsure about how to ask the question Josh knew she wanted to ask.

“You want to know what’s wrong with me, right?” He said, a small smile on his face. “Why I need a ventilator?”

“If you don’t mind talking about it,” she stated. “It’s personal and you have no obligation to answer.”

“I don’t mind talking about it,” he said, a reassuring smile on his face. “I was born with a lung condition that has caused my lungs to deteriorate slowly.  I was only a baby when I was diagnosed and up until I was about 15 it didn’t affect me much. During my freshman year of high school things started to go down hill.  By the end of my junior year I was wearing a nasal cannula attached to a portable oxygen bottle all the time.  And a few weeks after graduation I ended up in the hospital with severe respiratory problems. I spent a lot of time in the hospital for the next few months. When I finally was discharged just before Christmas I had the tracheostomy tube in my throat and I came home to a ventilator by my bed. I only used a ventilator at night then, but I still thought it sucked. All of my buddies were in college and I was sick and still living with my parents, depending on part time nursing care.”

 “I know the feeling,” Janine said emphatically. “I got diagnosed with cancer a few days before my high school graduation and spent most of the months after graduation in the hospital. Wasn’t fun to see my friends embrace college life while I was having multiple surgeries and going through several rounds of chemo.”

“That’s rough,” Josh said emphatically. “But you beat it, right? I mean…you look healthy.”

“Yeah, I beat it and I’m in good health now,” she shrugged. “Have been for a few years. I have to go in for a screening once a year but so far, so good. It’s been four years now.”

“That’s good,” Josh said. “Still can’t be easy to go in for those scans.”

“It’s always a little nerve wracking to wait for the results, even if I know the results are most likely to be good,” Janine conceded. Then she shifted the conversation back to Josh.  “You said you only used your ventilator at night to begin with. How long have you been using it during the day too?”

“For a few months. I’m up to 20 to 22 hours a day now. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s a good thing. I’m in much better shape than I’ve been in a long time because I don’t spend so much energy on struggling to breathe.”

“I have to admit I had no idea what to expect when your boss called and told me you were using a ventilator. I actually expected you to be in a wheelchair and I thought it was kind of strange that he didn’t mention accessibility for you.”

“It’s not very common for someone fully mobile like me to have a respiratory disability. Most people on ventilators are wheelchair users because of either spinal cord injuries or muscular or nerve conditions.”

“Exactly. I was a bit shocked when you walked in with the ventilator tubes coming from your throat. I’m sorry for staring.”

“Comes with the territory. I’m used to stares. I’ve never hidden my tracheostomy tube; turtleneck sweaters and scarves are just not my thing, so ever since I got it it’s been out there in plain sight. This is more my style,” Josh said, gesturing to his plaid shirt with the top buttons undone. The neck plate and outer cannula of his tracheostomy tube with the white gauze dressing behind it was clearly visible.

“Why hide it? It’s not something you should to be ashamed of,” Janine said. “And I definitely prefer your style over turtleneck sweaters.”

Before Josh could answer a waiter appeared with their food and soon they were both immersed in their meals; they finished their food mostly in a comfortable silence.  By the time Josh had cleared his plate he was starting to struggle a little with his breathing and he realized he shouldn’t put off getting back on the ventilator for too long.

“That was great,” he said to Janine as he put his silverware down. “Best steak I’ve had in a long time.”

“That is our specialty, so it better be good. George, our chef, is actually very good. Too good to work in a chain restaurant really, he has worked in some really good restaurants in Europe and on the east coast.”

“Really? Sounds like you’re lucky to have him.”

“We are. Definitely.  How about some coffee or dessert? He does make a mean crème brulee too.”

“That does sound tempting, but I’m so full right now, I don’t think I could fit anything else into my stomach.”

“I hear ya,” Janine said with a smile. “Maybe next time.”

“Definitely,” Josh said firmly. The more time he spent with Janine, the more he liked her.  One of the reasons he’d agreed to do the tech-support assignment was that he’d hoped for an opportunity to get to know her better. He had a feeling she liked him too, but the rejection from Maggie had been a blow to his confidence and he was unsure of what to do.

Janine signed for their bill, Josh tried to pay his part, but she firmly dismissed that idea, saying it was the least she could do for dragging him out on a Friday afternoon, and then they headed back to her office. 

Josh was aware Janine was watching him as he switched the ventilator on, uncapped his trach and attached the ventilator tubes to it.  He finished by adjusting the Trach Aide so it was positioned correctly under where the ventilator tube connected to his tracheostomy tube and securing it’s strap around his neck.

“What’s that little pillow-looking thing for?” Janine asked when he turned so he was facing her as he was adjusting the collar of his shirt.

“This?” Josh asked, pointing to the Trach Aide.

“Yeah. I’m all about asking prying questions today,” she said with a self-conscious chuckle.

“I prefer questions and openness over awkwardness any day,” Josh assured her. “It supports the weight of the ventilator tubes so they don’t pull on the tracheostomy tube in my throat.”

“I see. Well, thank you so much for coming over so soon and for having dinner with me.”

“No problem, and thanks for dinner. Um, I might be overstepping big time now, but would you like to go out with me sometime?” Josh regretted to words as soon as they left his mouth, but to his surprise a smile spread across Janine’s face.

“I think I’d like that,” she said. “I’m working tomorrow, but I’m free on Sunday if you want to do something.”

“How about dinner at my place? Believe it or not I’m a decent cook,” Josh said as he shrugged into his leather jacket and donned his backpack.

“That sounds great. When do you want me to come?”

“Is five in the afternoon okay?”

“Yeah, that works for me. Text me your address.”

“I’ll do that. I’d better get going, but I’ll see you Sunday around five.”

“Looking forward to it,” Janine said, then she surprised Josh by placing a peck on his cheek, causing him to blush slightly.

“Me too,” he replied as he grabbed the handle of the bag with his ventilator.

# - # - #

At 4:55 Sunday afternoon Josh’s doorbell rang and he hurried to the front door. Janine was standing on the front porch, dressed in a pair of black leggings and a loose fitting grey tunic that stopped mid thigh.  Josh thought she looked great; her long brown hair was in a loose bun and her dark brown eyes were enhanced by a little mascara. She was carrying a bottle of wine.

“Hi,” he greeted her with a smile. “I hope you didn’t have too much trouble getting here.”

“It was pretty straight forward. Nice house,” she said.

“It’s not a big house, but it’s okay,” Josh said as he stepped aside and gestured for her to enter. “Come on in.”

“I like it. Oh, this is for you. It’s a pretty versatile wine that’s good with a pretty big variety of food.”

Josh accepted the bottle from her and studied the label for a second.

“Thanks. This is actually one of my favorites.”

Janine followed Josh into his open plan kitchen and dining room. She’d been surprised the first time she met him; she sure hadn’t expected him to be a rather handsome guy her own age. Apart from the tracheostomy tube in his throat and the ventilator tubes attached to it he appeared to be in pretty good shape and she had noticed he dressed well. Today he was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a black polo shirt that hugged him in all the right places and showed off his lean frame.

“So, what’s on the menu today?” she asked as Josh poured two glasses of red wine and handed her one. “Thanks.”

“Greek kebabs with couscous and tzatziki,” he replied. He was leaning against the counter and sipping his wine. Janine realized that she barely noticed the trach in his throat and the ventilator tubes anymore.

“Sounds awesome,” she replied. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Nope. The kebabs are in the oven, they need a few more minutes. I’ve just mixed the water into the couscous and the tzatziki is in the fridge, ready to be served.”

# - # - #

A couple of hours later Josh and Janine were sitting on his couch, they were chatting and sharing a second bottle of wine. Josh noticed that she suddenly seemed a little tense; she took a deep breath.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said tentatively. “Something very only a few people know about me. I told you I beat cancer a few years back, right?”

Josh nodded, watching her with rapt attention.

“It was colon cancer that had spread. They had to remove a large part of my bowels and bladder too. I’ve got a colostomy and a urostomy, which are basically two bags attached to my lower abdomen that I pee and poop into. There’s no sugarcoating it. It’s not pretty and I totally understand if you can’t deal with it.”

Josh reached over and grabbed her hand. He gave it a firm squeeze.

“If you can deal with this,” he said, pointing to his tracheostomy tube, which had been capped for the past hour and a half. “And my ventilator and that I have a power wheelchair I use instead of walking long distances I can deal with that. It’s not big deal to me, really.”

Janine looked at him, disbelief evident in her features. “For real?”

“For real. If you’re willing to give me a chance despite my health issues I’m more than willing to give you one.”

Janine didn’t answer verbally, instead she scooted over and wrapped her arms around Josh’s neck before she claimed his lips with hers. Josh froze for a second or three, then he relaxed and reciprocated the kiss eagerly.

To be continued...