'Every Breath I Take' - Chapter 12

Cathy just sent me chapter 12 of 'Every Breath I Take'. Hope you enjoy it. :-)

As always; Josh's condition is fictional, a figment of Cathy's imagination. She assures me she has done some research and is trying to get all the tracheostomy and ventilator stuff as accurate as possible. I take no responsibility for things being accurate.

“You don’t seem very excited about the conference you’re going to this weekend,” Janine said over dinner a Tuesday evening in late October. 

“I’m just nervous about the presentation I have to give. The conference is usually pretty enjoyable, since I work from home the conferences I attend is when I meet my co-workers and interact with other people in my industry.”

“I’m sure you’ll rock that presentation.”

“I tried to get out of it, but since I’ve been in charge of a part of the project my boss refused.”

“Well, you know your stuff, right?”

“Yeah, I do. I’ve worked on this for the past six months and the project before that was related to it too. I just haven’t given presentations since college and it has never been my favorite thing.”

“I think very few people like giving presentations. Focus on the positive parts of the conference and I’m sure you’ll have a good time. The presentation is only a very small part of it, right?”

“It is. It’s only about half an hour of a three day thing.”

“It’s Friday to Sunday, right?” Janine asked.

“Yeah, from noon Friday ‘til sometime Sunday afternoon. I’ll get home Sunday evening.”

“Are you driving there? Or flying?”

“Driving. I’ve rented a van with a lift again. I always use my wheelchair at these things, there’s usually a lot of walking around between the presentations and without the chair I’d be exhausted before lunch. I’m glad most people there are used to the sight of me in the chair. Hopefully that’ll make introducing the ventilator less awkward.”

“They know why you’ve been using a chair, right? Or do they think you’re paralyzed?”

“Some people know. And it’s not like I’ve ever hidden my trache. I know some awkwardness is inevitable though. I’ll just have to deal with that.” Josh leaned back in his chair and raked a hand through his thick, brown hair, making a mess of it.

…

After he’d checked into his hotel room and arranged everything there Josh checked the time; 11:45. Time to head downstairs. He was already settled into his wheelchair, so he rolled up to the mirror and surveyed his appearance one final time. Today he was wearing a pair of navy blue dress slacks paired with a light blue button down shirt.  Apart from the ventilator tubes attached to the tracheostomy tube in his throat and the power wheelchair he was seated in Josh was happy with his appearance. He grabbed his laptop bag and placed in his lap and after making sure he had his room key, wallet and cell phone he headed for the reception.

After checking in to the conference and hanging his id badge on a lanyard around his neck he checked his itinerary and headed for the large auditorium where the welcome presentation would be held. On his way there he was greeted by a couple of co-workers and some other people he knew. He noticed they were all staring at the ventilator tubes, but they didn’t say anything and acted pretty normally. He decided to not address it, at least for now.

The day proceeded pretty much as Josh had expected it too and at the end of the last presentation of the day his boss approached him.

“Josh! Great to see you,” he said with a smile as he shook Josh’s hand firmly.

“Good to see you too, Rob.”

“I hope you’ll join us for dinner tonight. We have a table at the steakhouse downstairs at eight.” The “us” Robert referred to was the staff from Cinco that was at the conference; Josh’s co-workers.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Josh replied with a smile. He meant it. Although working home from home worked well for him he missed having co-workers.

“Do I need to let the maître’d know you’re in a wheelchair? Or will you be walking?” Josh was happy with how matter-of-factly his boss asked a potentially awkward question.

“I’ll leave the chair in my room. But the ventilator is coming with me in a wheelie bag.”

“Got it. You’re on it 24/7 now?”

“Almost. Depends on how I feel, but somewhere between 20 and 22 hours a day is normal. Today has been a long day, I’m tired and I don’t have the energy to breathe unaided tonight. If I come to dinner without the vent I’ll probably be exhausted by the time we finish our starters.”

“I see. Then you definitely need to bring the ventilator. Since you work from home it’s nice to see you in person and get to know you a little better.”

“Me too, boss,” Josh replied with a smile. He liked Robert.

“We’re meeting in the bar around seven for a drink or two before dinner by the way. You’re welcome to join us. Well, I’ve got a few things to take care of before dinner, so I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Josh replied. Robert patted his shoulder and strode out of the room with confident strides. Josh put his hand on the joystick of his wheelchair and followed him. It was five thirty in the afternoon and he had time to take a nap before dinner. Josh definitely wanted to take advantage of that opportunity – it had been a long day already and he was tired.

…

Josh felt his heart pounding in his chest when he rolled onto the podium. The medium sized auditorium was almost full and he could see the glances people were exchanging. If he’d been able to he’d taken a deep breath to calm his nerves. Unfortunately the vent made it an impossibility; it kept pushing air into his lungs at the same steady pace. Instead he grabbed the microphone and decided to get it over with.

“As Robert said; I’m Josh Langdon and I’m one of the developers that’s been in charge of this project.  Before I start talking about the actual product I’m presenting I think I should address the pink elephant in the room,” he said, pointing to the ventilator tubes coming from his tracheostomy tube. “I’ve got a lung condition that means I need a ventilator to help me breathe. I use the wheelchair for two reasons; my condition means I have virtually no endurance. When I’m walking I get tired really fast. I also have a lot of gear to lug around; the ventilator, a bottle of oxygen…the chair is convenient for that. Anyway, with that out of the way it’s time to get on with what I’m actually here to tell you about.” Josh brought the first slide up on the big screen and grabbed his laser pointer. To his relief most people seemed to focus on his presentation and not him.

When he ended the presentation and told his audience he’d accept questions about half an hour later Josh was pleasantly surprised; all questions were about the software he’d talked about and not his condition. After he’d answered the final question and thanked everyone for their attention people started leaving the auditorium.  Josh’s boss approached him.

“Great job, Josh! I know you were hesitant about giving that presentation, but you had nothing to worry about. You’re a natural.”

“Thanks. It went way better than I feared. I mean, I know my stuff; I wasn’t worried about that part. It was how people would react to my vent and the wheelchair that was my main concern.”

“I think you made a good call in addressing it up front. Anyway, I have something I want to discuss with you before you leave. Can you meet me in the lobby bar after check-out tomorrow? At noon.”

“Sure, I’ll be there,” Josh agreed. As Henry bid him goodbye and left the room curiosity hit him. He really wondered what his boss wanted to talk to him about.

…

“We’ve been really impressed with your work for the past few months and we want to promote you to project manager,” Robert said to a stunned Josh. They were seated by a table in the lobby bar; Josh had placed his wheelchair in the van with his luggage before he met his boss and had his portable ventilator with him.

“Really?” Josh replied incredulously. He hadn’t expected that at all.

“Yeah, I’ve discussed it with the other managers and we all agree you’re ready for it.  It means you’ll be in charge of your own projects and a team of six people will report to you. You’ll obviously get a pay rise as well.”

“It all sounds great, but I sense a but in there,” Josh said hesitantly.

“You’d have to start working from the office. No more working from home if you choose to accept the position.”

“Right,” Josh said, leaning back in his chair. “I have my reasons for wanting to work from home, but I realize that if I want to get somewhere career wise it’s probably something I’ll have to sacrifice at some point. And since I went full-time on the ventilator my health has been more stable.”

“We’ve noticed that. So, do you think you could make it work?”

“Can I think about it for a day or two? Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate you giving me a chance, but I’ve got to consider some practicalities before I make a decision.”

“Sure. Get back to me by Wednesday, ok?”

“Will do. Thanks, Rob.”

…

When Josh got home Sunday afternoon he was still in a daze after the conversation with Henry. He was thrilled about the promotion; he knew it was a great opportunity, but the prospect of working from the office held him back. He wasn’t sure how he’d make it work.  Janine was working so after he’d unpacked the van he called Andrew. He figured a man-to-man talk with his best buddy might help make things clearer.  Josh invited Andrew over for dinner and he accepted. They agreed Andrew would pick up a pizza on the way over to his place.

A couple of hours later Josh and Andrew were settled in by Josh’s dining table with a pizza and a six-pack of beer in front of them.

“So, how did the conference go?” Andrew asked between bites of his pizza. “I know you were nervous about that presentation you had to do.”

“It went really well. I decided to explain why I need the ventilator and the wheelchair before I started it and I think that was a good call.”

“Glad to hear it.  I agree with explaining your condition before. If you hadn’t done that people probably would’ve been too busy staring at your ventilator tubes and wondering why you need a ventilator to pay attention to what you were actually saying.”

“That’s what I was thinking.  Anyway, it went so well my boss offered me a promotion. A pretty big promotion; to project manager.”

“Wow! That’s awesome, Josh! I’m so happy for you. You accepted it, right?”

“I’m happy about it too, but I’m hesitant to take it.”

“Why? It sounds like a great opportunity.”

“It is.”

“Then why are you hesitant?”

“Because I’d have to start working from the office. I can’t keep working from home. Which makes sense. I’d be in charge of a team of six developers and running entire projects.”

“And you’re hesitant about making that transition?”

“Obviously. I’m not sure how I’d cope with commuting and working regular hours.”

“I think you’ll do just fine. You want this right? It’s one hell of an opportunity.”

“I want it. I really do,” Josh agreed.

“Then give it a chance. If it doesn’t work out I’m sure you can figure it out. Your employer is obviously happy with you and I’m sure they’d work with you to find an arrangement that works.”

Josh nodded thoughtfully. Andrew was right; he needed to give it a chance. It was too good of an opportunity to pass. “I’ll give it a chance,” he said.