"Every Breath I Take" - chapter 13

Cathy just sent me a new chapter of her story - and told me to assure you the next one is in the works and she hopes to publish it before Christmas.

Maddie apologizes for the long wait for a new chapter of "It's a Wrap". She works in retail and this is a very busy time for her at work, so she has very limited time to write these days.  She'll probably not be able to post more before after Christmas.  

I posted a new chapter of "The Outsiders" on Paradevo today - head over there and check it out after you've finished chapter 13 of "Every Breath I Take".

-Mille

Josh was excited about the promotion he’d been offered, but he still hadn’t decided what to do, despite Andrew’s encouragement the previous evening. He was very unsure about working from the office.  Before he started using full-time a ventilator he wouldn’t have been so hesitant. He found that a bit funny, since it was his performance after he started using a ventilator full time that had earned him the promotion.  He turned his attention back to the project he was working and tried to push his dilemma to the back of his mind. He’d discuss it with Janine when she came over for dinner that evening.

It was about five in the afternoon when Josh pulled into a handicapped space at the local supermarket. After he got out of the car he donned the backpack with his ventilator and headed inside where he grabbed a cart and started shopping. As usual people were staring, but Josh managed to ignore them. He was too focused on his shopping. 

When he was standing in front of the coffee shelf, trying to decide which blend to buy, a small voice behind him caught his attention.

“Why are there tubes coming out of that man’s backpack?”

It was followed by the sound of shushing, it was clear that whoever was in charge of the kid didn’t want him asking prying questions to a stranger.  Josh grabbed two packets of coffee beans, tossed them in his cart and turned around. He found himself face to face with a kid, Josh assumed he was about ten years old, and his mother; the mother’s eyes were immediately drawn to the ventilator tubes coming from his tracheostomy tube. Josh smiled what he hoped was a disarming smile.

“I don’t mind questions,” he said. “I have a ventilator that helps me breathe in my backpack, it does the job my lungs are supposed to do.”

“You have a breathing machine in your backpack?” the kid asked, he seemed fascinated.

“I do. The tubes coming from the ventilator in my backpack are attached to the tube in my throat.”

“Why do you need the breathing machine?” the kid pried.

“Because I have a lung disease that means I struggle to breathe. If I don’t have the ventilator helping me all I have the energy for is sitting in a chair. I’m constantly short of breath.”

“I’m sorry about my son’s curiosity,” the mother finally piped up.

Josh turned to her. “It’s fine. As I said; I don’t mind questions. People aren’t used to seeing someone walking around with a ventilator.  I actually get less attention when I’m using my wheelchair.”

“Well, we’ve got to get going. Thanks for your time,” she replied, ushering her kid away. It was very clear she was uncomfortable and unsure of what to do or say. Josh turned his attention back to finishing his grocery shopping. He was ready to get the hell out of the store and back home.

…

When the doorbell rang little after six in the evening Josh hurried to the door with his ventilator in tow. As soon as he opened the door Janine threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Hey,” Josh greeted her happily when she pulled back and walked past him into the hallway. “Happy to see me?”

“I missed you this weekend,” she replied, placing another peck on his cheek. “How was the conference?”

“I missed you too. The conference was good, better than I expected actually.”

“That’s good. And your presentation?”

“It was a success.  I’ll tell you about it over dinner.”

“Something smells delicious,” Janine said as she wrapped her arm around Josh’s waist and walked with him toward the kitchen.

“I sure hope so,” Josh chuckled. “I was in the mood for a good ‘ol pot roast with mashed potatoes. Not the most exciting dinner, but it’s comfort food, right?”

“I love pot roast and it’s been ages since the last time I had it. You hit the nail on the head when you decided to cook it for dinner today.”

“Well, that’s good to know.”

…

“So, your presentation was a success?” Janine asked Josh after they’d settled in on the couch later in the evening.  Their dinner conversation had been filled with Janine sharing silly stories from her weekend at work.

“Yeah, it went very well.  Before I started the actual presentation I briefly explained why I need the wheelchair and ventilator. It was a good move. People actually paid attention to what I had to say and asked relevant questions when I was done.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Janine said. “I know you were dreading it.”

“I was so relieved when I was done with it. But I’m not dreading the next time anymore. I know I can do it.”

“Never doubted it. You need to work on your confidence.”

“I guess you have a point,” Josh agreed. “The promotion I’ve been offered is a bit of a boost.”

“What? You’ve been promoted?”

“My boss offered me a position as project manager. They’re very satisfied with my work lately and he thinks I’m ready for more responsibility.”

“You accepted it, right? It sounds like a great opportunity.”

“Not yet. If I accept I’ll have to start working from the office. They won’t allow me to work from home anymore since I’ll be in charge of a team of six people.”

“So? Your health seems to be pretty stable these days, right? And your employer is aware of your condition, so I’m sure they’ll understand if you need to take a sick day now and then.”

“That’s pretty much what Andrew said last night. It’s a great opportunity, a real vote of confidence.”

“Exactly. And I’m sure you’ll do great. You’ll regret it if you don’t give it a chance.”

“I probably will.”

“Isn’t it better to try and if it doesn’t work you know that? Instead of wondering about ‘what if’?”

“You’re right.  I’ll call my boss tomorrow and accept the position. And I’ll call my respiratory therapist to set up an appointment to figure out how to adjust my ventilator regime since I’ll be away from the house for at least ten hours a day and this one is definitely not coming with me to work. It’s not exactly portable.”  Josh gestured to his ventilator.

“Can’t you just use your portable ventilator at work?”

“I don’t think that’s going to work. It doesn’t have a humidifier.”

“And exactly why do you need the humidifier? Sorry if I’m asking stupid questions, but there are so many things I just don’t know.”

Josh pulled her closer and kissed her on the forehead. “It’s not a stupid question. When you breathe the air passes through your mouth before it gets down your trachea and to your lungs, right?”

Janinen nodded. “Right.”

“The air you inhale is heated by your body heat and humidified by your saliva before it makes it down your throat.  The ventilator just pushes cold, dry air straight into my trachea unless there’s a humidifier added to the circuit.  The humidifier heats and humidifies the air.  That prevents mucus buildup and helps keep my airway clear. The need for a humidifier during the day is why I got this ventilator.”

“Oh, I see. So your portable one is strictly for shorter periods of time? Like when you’re out shopping and stuff like that?”

“That’s what my doctor and respiratory therapist ordered. And it’s working well. I’ll have to talk to them about what to do at work.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, probably. You don’t let your medical issues get in the way of doing your job, which is great. I really hope I can manage the same.”

“Took a bit of trial and error for me to figure out things so I was confident about going out in public. Right after I got my stomas I was very self-conscious. I worried about people seeing the bags through my clothes and leaks and all kinds of stuff.  It took some effort to get past all that stuff.”

“But you did it. And you had the courage to let me in, which I’m very happy about.”

“I’m happy too,” Janine said. She turned so she was facing Josh, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a long kiss.

…

“Congratulations, Josh! That’s great news,” Dr. Newman said after Josh had told him about the promotion he’d accepted a couple of days earlier.

“Thanks. I’m happy about it, but my ventilator regime worries me. The offices are about half an hour from my house and I’ll probably be working eight to ten hours a day. That means I’ll be out of my house for at least nine hours and isn’t that a bit long to be on the portable ventilator with no humidifier?”

“It is.  You’ll probably be back to struggling with mucus buildup pretty fast if you just use the portable vent at work. And your headaches will come back since you won’t have the oxygen supply.”

“Damn. It feels like I’m screwed. I mean; it’s not like my insurance will pay for a ventilator to use at the office. And I sure as hell don’t have fifteen grand to spend on it either.”

“How about renting a ventilator? We might be able to get your insurance to cover at least part of the rental cost, but you’ll probably have to pay a couple of hundred bucks a month out of your own pocket for it.”

“That could work,” Josh said, perking up a little. He hadn’t even thought about the option of renting the necessary equipment to use at work. “How do I make it happen?”

“The medical supply you’re already using also has a rental service. I’ll get in touch with them and get a quote on the setup you have at home.  And I’ll check what your insurance might cover. I’ll get back to you in a few days, okay?”

“Sounds good to me. I start in January, so there’s still time.”

“Well, these things can take a while to get sorted, so it’s a good thing you got the ball rolling early.”

“Thanks for your help so far, Doc. Talk to you soon.”

“Take care, Josh. I’ll get in touch with you as soon as I have some more information for you.”

The doctor smiled as Josh left his office; it made him happy that Josh seemed to be thriving, despite his lung condition. The last time he’d seen him he’d happily told him about his girlfriend and now he was getting a great promotion at work. He liked when his patients were doing well; it was what he worked for and seeing positive result was always a boost.

…

Two days later Dr. Newman called Josh.  As Josh had expected his insurance wouldn’t buy him another ventilator, but he was happy to find out they’d cover most of the cost of renting one. He’d just have to cover $150 a month himself, which was no problem.

“Thanks, Doc! So they’ll have the gear ready for me when I start in January?”

“That shouldn’t be a problem at all. I’ve requested delivery before Christmas, just to be sure. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sounds good to me.”

To be continued