"Every Breath I Take" - chapter 14

"It's short. It's rough. But it's a chapter and I'm working on more for you." - Cathy

Without further ado; here's chapter 14 for you. Enjoy!

Remember: Josh's condition is fictional and I take no responsibility for the medical accuracy. Cathy assures me she has done her research.

“What are your plans for Thanksgiving?” Josh asked Janine.  It was a Wednesday evening in the middle of November and they were curled up on his couch; Josh was sitting in the corner of the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table in front of him. Janine was curled up next to him with her legs stretched out on the couch and her head resting on Josh’s chest and his left arm was wrapped around her. The TV was on and the noise from it drowned out the hum of his ventilator, but they weren’t really paying attention to it.

“I really don’t have any plans. Most of my family lives on the east coast and this year the Thanksgiving get-together is at my uncle’s house on Martha’s Vineyard.  I’m not going. It’s too far to travel for just a few days. I’m probably going to my parents’ house in Boston for Christmas though.”

“So, you’re spending the day alone?”

“Yeah, but it’s fine. I’ll make myself some good food and watch movies all day. It’s not the first time I’ve spent Thanksgiving alone.”

“Why don’t you spend the day with me and my family? My parents and brother are driving up from LA and they all want to meet you.”

“I don’t wanna impose on a family affair,” Janine said, turning slightly so she could see Josh’s face.

“Janine, I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t okay. And since you’re my girlfriend you’re family.”

“If you’re sure I won’t be imposing I’d love to come.”

“You won’t be imposing,” Josh said firmly, then he bent down and kissed Janine’s forehead.  “I promise.”

“Oh, are Nicole and Shawn still meeting us for dinner this weekend?” Janine asked. They had kept in touch since they met at their weekend getaway a while back, but hadn’t been able to meet because their schedules kept clashing.

“Yeah, I talked to Shawn yesterday and they’re coming Saturday afternoon and are spending the night so they don’t have to drive home late at night.”

“Awesome! I can’t wait to see them again.”

“I’m looking forward to it too. I’ve been so focused on work and figuring things out with my promotion lately. It’ll be good to spend some time with friends and not think about all that.”

“But everything is sorted, right? I thought you said Dr. Newman helped you figure out the ventilator situation and that was your main concern as far as I can recall?”

“Everything is sorted,” Josh confirmed. “I’m nervous, but excited about starting my new job, but I know I’ll regret it if I pass this opportunity.”

Janine kissed his cheek. “I’m sure you’ll do just fine. I believe in you.”

“Thanks babe,” Josh said warmly as he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her before he pressed his lips to Janine’s.

…

Saturday afternoon Josh and Janine were in his bedroom getting ready for dinner with Shawn and Nicole. They were coming by Josh’s house to drop of their stuff and park their car and the four of them were riding together to the restaurant in Josh’s car. He had volunteered to be the designated driver.

“Is everything ready in the guest room?” Janine asked Josh.

“Yeah. I asked Harriet to put clean sheets on the bed and towels in the bathroom when she was here on Thursday.” Harriet was Josh’s one-day-a-week housekeeper.

“Great. I guess it’s just a matter of us getting ready then,” Janine said. “Do you mind if I shower first?”

“I was just going to suggest that. I need to suction my trach and take some meds before I shower.”

“You mentioned something about closed circuit suctioning or something like that a while back. Is that what that new thing you’ve got attached to your trach is for?”

“Yep, it is. Doc suggested I’d switch to it since I’m basically on my vent 24/7 these days. It doesn’t look great, but it’s really easy to manage compared to regular suctioning. And I can stay on the vent while I’m doing it. So far I like it. And the new trach dressings he prescribed too.” Dr. Newman had suggested that Josh switched from the gauze dressings he’d been using to a new kind. They were made of foam and Josh had immediately liked them.

“That’s great, Josh,” Janine said. Then she quickly kissed him before she gathered her stuff and headed into the bathroom.

“Wow! That dress looks great on you,” Josh exclaimed as he stepped out of the bathroom about an hour later. Janine was standing in front of the full-length mirror next to his closet, straightening out her grey knee length wrap dress.

“You like it?”

“Yeah, I do,” Josh said. He walked over to her and pulled her in for a kiss. “You look great in anything though.”

“You don’t look too shabby yourself, but I suggest you put on some clothes. Nicole and Shawn will arrive soon,” she said. Josh had just come out of the shower and was only wearing a pair of black boxer briefs.

“Shit, I kind of lost track of time,” Josh said as he glanced at the alarm clock on his nightstand. He grabbed a pair of navy blue chinos and a matching blue and brown plaid button down shirt. After he was dressed he also put on a brown leather belt and a pair of matching brown leather shoes. Just as Josh attached the tubes from his ventilator to his tracheostomy tube the doorbell rang. He made a quick adjustment to his shirt collar before he grabbed the handle on the ventilator and pulled it with him to the front door. Janine followed a couple of steps behind him.

After the initial greetings were over he showed Shawn and Nicole the guestroom and left them to get settled in while he headed to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine. It was still over an hour ‘til the cab was scheduled to pick them up. Josh was relieved that they didn’t seem fazed by the more imposing ventilator he used at home. He was also relieved that he was having a good day; he felt confident about going to the restaurant without his ventilator. He should be fine for a couple of hours with his oxygen concentrator and a nasal cannula providing him with supplementary oxygen.

…

Josh parked in one of the handicapped spaces in front of the restaurant and asked the other three to go ahead and head inside while he switched from his vent to the oxygen concentrator. It didn’t take him long and a few minutes later he joined Janine, Shawn and Nicole by a round table that was tucked away in a corner and gave them some privacy. Josh was happy about that. Although the nasal cannula was much less noticeable than the ventilator tubes it still attracted stares.

“This looks like a really nice restaurant,” Nicole commented. “Have you been here before?”

“No, it’s our first time here,” Josh replied. “It opened a few months ago and it has gotten great reviews both in the local news and on TripAdvisor and Yelp too. And a friend of Janine recommended it too.”

“Shannon’s boyfriend too her here a few weeks ago and she said it was the best food she had eaten in a long time. And the service was great.”

Before they could discuss it further a friendly waiter turned up and took their drink orders; they were still deciding what to eat.  By the time the waiter returned with their drinks they had agreed to order the a roasted fillet of beef for everyone as a main course; it would be carved for them at the table and served with a selection of side dishes that included several kinds of vegetables and two different sauces.  The waiter took their individual orders for starters, gathered their menus and left.

“I hope this meal is worth going without the ventilator for a few hours,” Josh mentioned as he took a sip of his water.

“Is it a big effort for you?” Shawn asked.

“Yes and no. Although it’s a bit of a struggle to breathe the headaches I get if I don’t have an extra oxygen supply is the main problem. My lung condition also means I have a very poor oxygen uptake. And when my oxygen levels drop I get pounding headaches. I’m not thrilled about wearing this thing,” Josh said, gesturing to the nasal cannula in his nose. “But it prevents the headaches and helps me stay off the vent for a few hours from time to time. It’s nice to be able to taste and smell what I eat sometimes. That I have virtually no sense of taste or smell when I’m on the ventilator is one of the things I dislike the most about being vent dependent.”

“It’s good that you can manage without it for a little while from time to time then,” Nicole said. Then she changed the subject. “You mentioned something about a promotion. Have you accepted the position?”

“Yes. I start in January. I’m excited, but nervous about it. I’ve worked from home since I graduated college and now I’ve got to start working regular office hours and go into the office every day. My health has been good and very stable lately, so I hope it stays that way.”

“What’s the position?” Shawn asked.

“Project manager. I’ll be in charge of a small team of developers and run whole projects from start to end. I really look forward being the one that oversees and runs the whole process.”

“Sounds great, Josh,” he replied. Further discussion was interrupted by the arrival of their starters and soon they were all eating and conversation died out for a while.

Josh was savoring his onion soup. It was one of his favorite foods and he soon realized that this was one of the best he had ever had. The cheese on the crutons was exceptionally good. It had been a couple of days since the last time he’d eaten a meal without the vent, so he couldn’t help a small smile from spreading across his face as the flavor filled his mouth and nose.

“You look pretty happy,” Janine commented between forkfuls of her bruschetta.

“This is really good and I guess it’s extra good since it’s been a couple of days since I ate a meal without my vent.”

Josh enjoyed the rest of the meal just as much as he’d enjoyed his starter and when they finally left the restaurant around ten in the evening he happily stated that it had been the best evening he’d had in a long time. And he meant it. The rest of the group agreed; they had all enjoyed the good food and each other’s company.

---

Sunday morning Josh woke up with Janine curled up next to him. Lately she’d been spending more time at his place than at home. He’d given her a cabinet in the bathroom where she’d left some medical supplies and toiletries. Even several months into their relationship her seemingly unconditional acceptance made him immensely happy. She didn’t seem to be fazed or put off by his condition and all that came with it, which was something he’d never felt it was fair to ask of anyone. He was still worried about how her family would react to him. He was well aware he wasn’t exactly the ‘pick of the litter’.

“Morning babe,” Janine mumbled sleepily, pulling him back to the present. Josh smiled, kissed her cheek and pointed to his trach. He still had his vent on the nighttime setting and the trach’s cuff was inflated, so he wasn’t able to speak.

“I know,” Janine said. “I like the way you say good morning when you’re not able to speak.”

Josh grinned and pulled her in for a kiss before he sat up in bed and pulled the covers back. It was time to get started on his morning routine and then make some breakfast for his guests.