"Every Breath I Take" chapter 4

It's almost midnight here and I was about to go to bed when an email from Cathy appeared in my inbox - with a brand new chapter. I could have saved it for tomorrow, but I thought it was awesome and I wanted to share it. Hope ya'll like it!! :-)

EDIT Aug. 19th, 12:25 pm: Got an email from Cathy overnight which pointed out a few errors she'd made and she asked if I could fix them. That's done now.

For the record...: This story and Josh's condition come from Cathy's imagination. I take no responsibility for the medical accuracy of this story.

Chapter 4

Josh had drifted off to sleep not long after he got settled in bed and he was fast asleep when his iPhone started ringing just after 10 at night. The ringing ceased just as he became awake and alert enough to realize his phone was ringing. Out of habit he checked the screen to see who had called him and when he saw his brother Jeremy’s name on the screen he decided to call him back. He didn’t normally call Josh unless it was important.

Josh turned on the lamp on his nightstand as he sat up in bed. Then he reached for a syringe and with practiced ease he attached it to the inflation tube and deflated his ventilator cuff.  Then he grabbed a speaking valve from the container of vent supplies on his nightstand, detached the ventilator tube from his tracheostomy tube, inserted a speaking valve into the ventilator tube and then he re-attached the ventilator tube to his tracheostomy tube again. The procedure was over and done with in a matter of minutes and Josh grabbed his phone and called Jeremy back.

“Josh, hi,” his brother greeted him. 

“Hi Jeremy," Josh replied, stifling a yawn.

“Did I wake you up? You sound tired and it took you a while to call me back.” 

"Yeah, I was asleep and had to make a few adjustments to my ventilator before I called you back. I can’t speak with the setup I use at night.”

“Sorry I woke you up, I didn’t think you’d be asleep at 10 pm. It’s kinda early, old man,” Jeremy teased.

“Old man my ass. I’m only three years older than you. Today was a long day and I’m tired. Anyway, I’m guessing you didn’t call me just to chit-chat?”

“No, I didn’t. I just wanted to make sure you’re coming down to LA for my graduation tomorrow and the party after at Mom and Dad’s house?”

“Shit…” Josh was mortified. He’d completely forgotten about his brother’s college graduation with everything that had gone on in his own life over the past couple of months. He raked a hand through his hair.

“Don’t tell me you forgot it?” Josh could hear how annoyed his brother was and there was a tinge of hurt in his voice too. Josh decided to tell the truth.

“’Fraid I did, bro. I’ve just had so much shit going on with my health lately, my lungs have gotten worse and I’ve been adjusting to using a ventilator most of the time and I’ve been kinda wrapped up in my own issues.  It’s not an excuse for forgetting about your graduation though, I’m really sorry about that.”

“I had no idea your lungs were getting worse, Mom haven't told me. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Spare me from the pity party. We’ve all known I’d end up needing a ventilator all or most of the time at some point. I’m fine and I’ll be at your graduation and the party tomorrow. I don’t wanna miss it.” Josh meant what he was saying. He was proud of his younger brother for finishing college. Jeremy had a learning disability and Josh knew he’d struggled all through school. He also felt guilty because he hadn’t been able to be the supportive big brother he’d wanted to be because of his health issues .

“Are you sure? If you’re not feeling well I understand that you don’t wanna drive for three hours to get down here.”

“I’ll be there,” Josh repeated, more firmly this time. “Would you mind sending me an email with the address of the venue and where and when the family is meeting?”

“No problem. The ceremony is at noon tomorrow, so you’ll have to head out early.”

“That’s fine. Just send me the information I asked for and I’ll be there.”

“I’ll do that as soon as we end this call,” Jeremy said. “I’m glad you’ll be there.”

“Me too. I’m glad you called to remind me. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night, old man,” Jeremy said with a laugh and ended the call. Josh shook his head and laughed too as he put the phone back on his nightstand. Then he realized he needed to let Maggie know their date was cancelled. He checked the time; 10:32 pm. It was late and when he dialed her number he hoped he didn’t wake her.

“Hi Josh,” she greeted him, surprise lacing her voice. “Didn’t expect to hear from you tonight. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, nothing to worry about, except maybe my ability to remember important stuff. I just got off the phone with my brother. He called me to make sure I’m coming to his college graduation in LA tomorrow, which I’d completely forgotten about.”

“Oh, Josh! You forgot about your brother’s graduation? That’s horrible,” Maggie exclaimed. Her voice was a mix of teasing and scolding.

“I know. I’m a horrible brother. If he hadn’t called me to remind me I would’ve missed it. No doubt about that.”

“That's probably enough to be put in the 'worst brother in the world' doghouse, Josh. That said; you’re calling me to tell me you’re going to LA for your brother’s graduation tomorrow and our dinner date tomorrow is off, right?”

“Yeah,” Josh said. “I’m really sorry. I’ll probably spend a few days there, to catch up with my family. It’s been a while since I spent time with them. I’ll let you know as soon as I’m back in town and make it up to you, I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Maggie said with fake sternness.

“I really wish I didn’t have to cancel.”

“It’s okay, Josh. Don’t worry about it. Family comes first. Have a good time at your brother’s graduation and we’ll talk when you’re back in town. I don’t know about you, but it’s almost 11 o’clock, so it’s bedtime for me. Good night, sleep well when it’s time for you to.”

“It’s bedtime for me too. Sleep well.” Josh ended the call and plugged the charger back in his phone and placed it on the nightstand.

The calls left Josh wide-awake, but he still felt exhausted and he decided to stay in bed.  He would have to get up by 6 am the next day to get ready and packed so he could leave early enough to be in LA in time for Jeremy’s graduation. He turned off the TV that had been on since he went to bed almost three hours earlier.  He wasn’t paying attention to it anyway.

Josh removed the speaking valve from the ventilator tubes and then he re-inflated his ventilator cuff; he’d left the syringe attached to the inflation valve when he’d deflated the cuff. He removed it and put it in the box of vent supplies on his nightstand with the speaking valve. Finally Josh lowered the head of his bed and removed one of the pillows before he lay down and turned the light off. Despite all the thoughts that were running through his mind fatigue won and he drifted off to sleep pretty fast.

# - # - #

Josh woke up at 5:30 am and he decided to get up then. He attached the syringe to the inflation valve on his tracheostomy tube, deflated the cuff, detached the nighttime ventilator and turned it off. He capped his tracheostomy tube and headed to the bathroom where he did his morning routine.

As Josh placed a fresh gauze pad under the outer cannula and neck plate of his tracheostomy tube in front of the mirror in his bathroom he realized he looked healthier than he had in a long time. He’d been making a conscious effort to eat well for the past few months and the result was that he had actually put on some much needed weight and since he’d spent a fair amount of time outdoors lately he’d worked up a decent tan. “I hope it puts Mom at ease,” he thought as he adjusted the collar around his neck that held his tracheostomy tube in place.

He got dressed in a pair of comfortable, worn jeans and a black V-necked t-shirt after he finished his morning routine and got a suitcase from his closet placed it on his bed. His was breathing surprisingly well without aid that morning, so he decided to stay off the ventilator for as he packed. Packing didn’t take him long; he packed clothes for a few days and added a travel case of medical supplies to the suitcase before he zipped it closed and checked the time; 6:55 am. He had plenty of time and wasn’t in a rush.

Josh realized he’d been breathing unaided for well over an an hour and he was slightly out of breath and he could feel the beginnings of a headache pounding in the back of his head. He still had about an hour before he had to leave and because he wanted to save his energy for the drive to Los Angeles he turned his mobile ventilator on and attached its tubes to his tracheostomy tube. It didn’t take him long to feel better and he headache subsided quickly.

# - # - #

Josh loaded his suitcase into the trunk of his car and slammed the hatch shut.  Then he lay a garment bag with his best suit and a white dress shirt across the back seat. He headed back inside his house to double check that he’d closed and locked all the windows and doors. After he made sure everything was secure he set the alarm and closed and locked the door leading from the house to the garage.

He opened the rear door on the driver’s side of his car and placed the bag with his ventilator on the floor behind the drivers seat, and then he unhooked the ventilator tube from his tracheostomy tube and draped them over the center console so he could reach them easily from the front seat. He shut the rear door and quickly settled into the driver’s seat and re-attached the ventilator tube to his tracheostomy tube before he buckled his seatbelt. 

It had taken a bit of trial and error to figure out the best place to put his ventilator in the car after he’d started using it during the day.  By having the ventilator behind him the ventilator tubes went down from his tracheostomy tube, across his chest and under his right arm and they weren’t in the way when he was driving.

# - # - #

Josh had been on the road for a couple of hours when his iPhone rang. It was Andrew. He’d sent him a text message that morning, to let him know he’d be out of town for a few days, but he hadn’t told him why.

“Hi Andrew,” he greeted his friend when he answered his phone.

“Hey buddy! What’s going on?”

“I’m on my way to LA for my brother Jeremy’s college graduation. I fucking forgot all about it. If he hadn’t called me yesterday I would’ve missed one of the most events days in his life. I feel horrible for forgetting.”

“You’ve had a lot to deal with lately, Josh. Your health hasn’t exactly been cooperating.”

“Still… I’m his big brother. Even if I have shit going on I shouldn’t have forgotten his graduation. It’s a big deal.”

“Good thing he called you then. You’ll be there and that’s what matters, right?”

“I guess you have a point. I’m just kicking myself for forgetting something so important.”

“Stop beating yourself up! It won’t do anyone any good. When will you be back in town?"

"Probably Wednesday. I'll spend a few days with my family, it's been a while sine the last time I did."

"Okay. Have a good time with your family and when you’re back in town you and I are going to watch some football and drink some beers. Got it?”

“Got it, bud. I’ll call you when I’m home.” Josh ended the call.

Twenty minutes after he ended the call Josh pulled into a handicapped parking spot at a truck stop in a suburb north of LA. He detached the ventilator tubes and capped his tracheostomy tube before he got out of the car and opened the rear door. He turned off his mobile ventilator and grabbed the garment bag with his suit. He left the suit jacket on it's hanger and hung it from the headrest on the front passenger seat so it wouldn't get wrinkled  He brought the garment bag with the pants and shirt with him to the toilets, as well as a small bag with black dress socks and his black leather dress shoes.

“I don’t look too shabby,” he thought stood in front of the mirror in the disabled toilet stall at the truck stop dressed in his dark gray Armani suit pants and a tailored white dress shirt. He’d left the top two buttons of the shirt undone so he could easily attach the ventilator tubes to his tracheostomy tube. 

# - # - #

Josh was nervous and felt his heart pounding against his ribs as he pulled into a handicapped parking space by the entrance to the arena where his brother’s graduation ceremony would take place half an hour later. After he’d parked he put his car in park and turned off the engine. He unbuckled his seatbelt and then he disconnected the ventilator tube from his tracheostomy tube and stepped out of his car.

He shut the front door and stepped over to the rear passenger door, opened it, and lifted his portable ventilator out. He re-attach it to his tracheostomy tube and then he checked the battery capacity - it was about 2/3 charged and he had a fully charged back-up battery in the bag as well.  He shrugged into his suit jacket and after he’d made sure his car was locked he headed to the entrance where Jeremy had said the family would be meeting with his ventilator in tow.

To be continued.